Look at that big girl. It's really hard for me to believe we're coming up on a year. Gemma is going to be a whole year old. She won't be a baby anymore. She'll officially be a toddler. (Nevermind that she can't exactly toddle yet.) I'm excited and sad at the same time. It went so fast, just like everyone says, but I'm not exactly sad about how fast this year has gone... It just makes me wonder, if this year went by so fast, how fast will the coming ones go? I'm terrified that she's going to be going to be all grown up before we know it. I waited and longed and prayed for these years of my life and now I feel like everything is going to fly by.
I suppose I should focus on the happy. Where should I start? This has been a big month for Gem. She's developed a lot in a short amount of time. Really getting the hang of kissing and hugging was a favorite for John and I. (I mean, how could it not be?) Now when you ask for a kiss (or a "smooch" we found she's come to prefer), she puckers up, leans in, and plants one right on your lips. She also discovered that she can wave, which is truly adorable. She's not walking yet, not even a step or two to talk about, but I can tell she thinks about it. Sometimes she'll be standing, playing by herself, and I'll watch her step further and further away from whatever she's holding on to... She'll get as far as she can go, sometimes she'll only have her fingertips touching it, she'll reach her little foot, but then she gets scared and either goes to the ground or just backs up. She's been really good a cruising for a couple of months, she can stand alone, and she'll walk holding on to our hands. She'll even walk holding onto one hand, but she doesn't really like to. I think the lack of balance frustrates her. I don't think it'll be too much longer, though.
Also, we're working on our first words. I had hoped she might be like John and I were and be one of those kids that talks really early, but no. She has all sorts of jibberish words and talks a lot, but not many real words. She can say Mama and Dada and Nana, but she never really says it to the person it applies to. Just this week, however, she started pointing at things and saying "See? See?" or "This. (Dis.)" On her own, she somehow picked up "oh wow" and "whoa" and I've heard "uh oh" a couple of times. She shakes her head and says "no", but she can only nod for yes. She kinda seems to mouth it, but never puts any voice behind it.
Gem's party is scheduled for her actual birthday this year--we lucked out and it fell on a Saturday. So, on the 19th, we'll all be at a beautiful pavilion in Annapolis right on the Severn River. Who 'we' will be is still up in the air. It's a horrible time of year, of course. Right after school lets out and people go on vacation and right at the height of wedding season. There are already a slew of people we've heard won't be able to come and it really bummed us out at first but we're good now. As long as Gem has fun and the main people that really love her are there, that's all that matters. She won't remember who did or didn't come.
In other news, our car is in the shop. I was on the top of the bridge, in the rain, with Gem crying with a fever in the backseat and my power steering went out. Thank God I got it safely off the bridge, John met me and got it home, and we had it towed to a mechanic. First estimate was an insane $5800. We, of course, do not have that kind of money. After some talking, the guy got it down to $3999 which is still astronomical and we still need Geri to help bail us out temporarily, but anything is better than $6k.
John's still waiting to hear back about the apprenticeship. He had great interviews with both unions and left feeling confident that he'd be offered one, if not both, of the positions. Unfortunately they definitely don't send out the letters until early August (they said for sure in the interview) so now it's a completely miserable waiting game. All our future plans hinge on which way this goes. Either he'll get it and things will start looking up now or he has some other options he could explore, but he doesn't want to rush into something else if this might work out.
I think we've decided that, either way, we'll be trying for another baby in August. Is it possible to have two kids while we still live here? Probably. Is it a great idea? Definitely not. That said, people have had it worse. Having to have this picture perfect life is something new that started with our generation or the one before. All of our grandparents struggled when they were our age, but they still got married and had their babies. Because life doesn't wait. We don't want to be that couple that waits until all our ducks are lined up and we're 35 before we start having kids. The better job will come, the beautiful house will come. And when it does, we will have a beautiful, loving family to put in it. That said, we're not going to keep this up should things not work out the way we're hoping and planning.
We want to have 4 or 5 kids, but 2 is our limit here. Anything more than that would be horribly unfair to them, not to mention pretty much impossible. We thought we wouldn't have any more here after Gem, but then we got to talking. We know we want to have a lot of kids but it may be some time before we can achieve that. What we don't want, however, is for Gemma to be an only child for years and then be a lot older than the rest and be a little mommy. We decided we'll have one more now and make do so that she'll have a sibling close in age. We want her to be close to a sister or brother and actually be able to relate to them later on. Then we'll wait and we'll have more as soon as we can, but in the mean time, Gem will have a buddy. So, that's that. We'd love to start now, but August will have to do. That would make them right around 2 years apart. That way, if it's another girl, we can use what we have already. If it's a boy, so be it. We'll figure it out, we'll buy blue stuff. We just thought, why buy a second round of pink if we can avoid it?
And now, it's time to wake the beast and feed her lunch!
Edited to add: Gem now has six teeth, four up top and two on the bottom. It makes for the best little grin ever. Also, her hair is finally (albeit it ever so slowly) coming in.
