...but here it goes anyway.
I've meant to update this a hundred times but have lacked the motivation necessary when I actually have the time. Not that I get the time often anymore, it seems. John's been working like crazy, late hours too, and you'd think I'd have all these leisurely nights to myself (I know he thinks that) but I honestly seem to always be ready to relax and do my own thing about 5 minutes before he walks back in the door. But, whatever. It's not important. I'm here now.
Where'd I leave off anyway? Ah, yes. The Sad Time. Those were a very hard and dark few months for our family, for many reasons. I will openly admit we struggled to make it through. John and I had several fights that involved the D-word (though in all the times we've ever said it, I don't think either one of us has ever, ever meant it). Unfortunately, this was the time that his work schedule started to pick up and we were able to attend church less and less... I believe that had a lot to do with our weakness. When we would get to go, we'd have a much better week. Suffice it to say that we made it though. We're still here and stronger than before.
Taking all that junk out of it--the miscarriage, John not getting the jobs, the financial stress, family stuff--the end of 2010 was a pretty good one. In September Gemma started at Busy Bodies, a little structured gym place for kids 1-8. She's in the 12-24mo. class and, despite a tough start, seems to really love it. After a couple of 8 week sessions, she's finally getting it... She knows the routine and follows the schedule. She listens to the teacher. She remembers how to sing the songs and do the motions, she participates in the exercises and activities, and--my favorite part--she seems like she's actually making friends. She gets excited to see the kids that have been there since the beginning with her. She's really enthusiastic at the end of the class when it's "High Five Your Friends" time. It's adorable. Unfortunately for me, it seems like most of the other moms around here work so there are a lot of grandmas and nannies that bring the kids. Not really the bounty of potential mom-friends I'd hoped for. That's okay, though. As long as Gem's enjoying herself.
Halloween was a hoot. Gem was a duck, of course, because she was obsessed with them at the time. Shari helped me make a costume and it turned out so cute. We were invited to go trick-or-treating in Pasadena with Megan and Emily and it turned out to be the best night. I was a little leery of how Gem would react to the whole thing. The first house, she was terrified. John had to carry her up. The second and third, she held his hand and he kinda dragged her up. By the fourth or fifth, she realized that all she had to do was walk up to the door and people would put things in her bucket and she was sold. She was running up to each house, usually with one of us trying to keep up.
Thanksgiving was a little hard, but we ended up making the best of things. John's Grammy was diagnosed with mouth cancer (and later all other sorts of cancer) and had to have surgery in the earlier part of Thanksgiving week. We went down Monday night and were there with her on Tuesday. John, Gemma and I came back Tuesday night because he simply couldn't miss any more work. Shari and Joey stayed. Joey eventually talked Shari into letting him take her car (and Billy subsequently bringing her home Saturday) and he rolled back into town Thursday night, but not before the three of us got to enjoy our very own Thanksgiving dinner. No one else. Just us. It was glorious. It was everything we dream about, everything a lot of people take for granted: time with your family, without unavoidable interference and buttinskis. I cannot wait until that is our every day.
Christmas started creeping up on us slowly this year. Usually it seems to smack me in the face, finding me completely unprepared, but not this time around. I had most of my shopping done--well, the big stuff at least--in November. The tree was up Thanksgiving weekend. And I was, get this, actually IN THE CHRISTMAS MOOD for all of December. I don't think that's happened since I was a kid. (Maybe because I have a kid now?) Anyway, I was excited for it to arrive at first just to see Gemma experience her first REAL Christmas. Last year she was just too little to care or grasp the even the tiniest bit of what was going on. This year, she was a big enough girl to get excited when she saw things for her under the tree. We thought it was just going to be the typical (sigh, lame) holiday. John working, rushing, fish feast Christmas Eve, a hurried, interrupted Christmas morning, Billy and Sigrid droning on here, patheticness at Geri's, a late night. It slowly transformed from that into something really great with just a week to go... I recounted to John how my grandma and Geri would always spend the night on Christmas Eve and be there to watch us open our gifts. That was just a standard part of my Christmas. So he suggested that we invite Geri to be with us to see Gemma. Shari went for it, Geri was really touched, it all seemed to fall into place nicely. Then I started to hear that Matt wouldn't have anywhere to be (our father was obviously not going to care) and we started whispers about inviting him. Everyone was really into the idea and he ended up being really excited, I think. (He doesn't give much away.) They ended up coming over in the afternoon on Christmas Eve, having the big dinner with us... We somehow all accidentally gravitated toward the big room at the end of the night and ended up watching The Town as a family of sorts. Christmas morning, John and I got Gemma up and had a nice, relaxing family morning upstairs. She opened her Santa gifts and John and I exchanged (way too many) gifts and really surprised each other this year. We went down and did the bigger Christmas. Everyone was able to surprise someone else with something they really wanted but didn't expect or would have ever asked for. (My favorite? We got Geri a REAL camera. You don't understand what a big deal that is for her.) We had a cozy breakfast and just lazed for a bit and then Geri and Matt went on their way to do their own things (Matt to his girlfriend's, Geri to Janet and Bill's) and we just. hung. out. All DAY. That never happens. We put on comfy clothes and toyed with our stuff and just enjoyed being the three of us. It was seriously one of the best Christmases I've ever had, if not the best.
Although perhaps next year will beat it...
The current happenings for the Adams family? We're getting bigger by about 1400 square feet, plus 2 teeny-tiny ones. Huh? I must be joking, right? That's what I keep telling myself every day, but so far, no. (Yes, this post just keeps getting longer and longer. Well, it's about to get worse. By a lot.)
So November rolled around. The do-or-wait month. I know I said we'd accept a baby whenever, but there were just too many stupid reasons in my own head that I wanted to either try in November or wait until sometime next year. (i.e. being able to reuse a lot of baby clothes, should the baby be a girl; going into the cold and flu season with a slightly tougher few month old than a brand new one; being able to hopefully reuse a lot of my maternity clothes; really wanting [emotionally needing] time to try to lose some of the baby weight before jeans season came back to avoid needing all new [bigger] pants.) So we gave it a shot. And we waited. And waited. And tested. And tested. Nothing. My period arrival date came and went. We tested some more. Nothing. We waited some more. Now in the world of womanly cycles, I'm very in tune with my body. I charted every single day, I always knew the days I ovulated, the day my period should start. Everything was down to a science. This month, of all months, was a flipping screwball. Completely turned upside down. Had it been a normal cycle, I should have tested positive (assuming I was actually pregnant) by the 5th of December. Oh, no. We did not get those two little lines until the NINETEENTH. (On a whim, in a Target bathroom, on our way to church, I might add.) At that point, I just thought something was wrong with me and that I'd have to make an appointment to get checked out. Just turned out that my body and baby ran on their own schedule that time and forgot to tell me.
So, yes. We are indeed pregnant! Almost 9 weeks along, we're due sometime in the end of August. So far, so good this time around. I've had sporadic spotting this time that I didn't have with Gemma that worries me all the time, but it's nothing like the last pregnancy. It only happens after I've worked out too hard and disappears once I ease up. On top of that, we've had two promising ultrasounds so far. At the most recent, we saw a perfectly normal looking 7 week old baby with a good steady heartbeat. That was a couple weeks after the spotting started, so it doesn't seem to mean anything bad. (Though I know it always could. I'm still taking it very easy and being careful.)
It's been a little rougher this time around. I remember thinking how hard it was to work all day when I was pregnant with Gemma, how tired I felt all the time. That was cake! At least I'd get off at the same time every day and if I wanted to go to sleep at 6:30 or do nothing but lay on the couch because I simply had NO energy left, I could. Not with a 19mo. old to run around after 24/7. Gemma doesn't understand, nor care, when I want to stop reading her favorite book because I need to puke. She doesn't get that sometimes Mommy is just. too. tired. to push her super fast in her car for an hour. So I can't give in. I just push through. And the immense love that having two kids will bring is already rewarding me. Though I know she doesn't really understand, Gemma has gotten into the habit of getting close to my belly and waving her little hand and saying "Hi, baby. Ove oo, baby." and placing little tiny pecks or big ole smooches on it.
Boy or girl, I still have no inklings. No little tugs at my intuition either way. A boy would be a fun change. I think Gem would do beautifully with a little brother. I know I loved having one. But if I'm being really honest? I want a girl. I'm sorry. I want a boy eventually. Next. Third. But now, I want another girl. I never had a sister. Now that I get to spend time with Angie, I see how it could have been. I would love for her to have that. Matt and I grew up incredibly close and spent so much time having fun together, but it's different, you know? At a certain age, you grow apart in ways. You don't share each other clothes and friends and secrets. I want that for her. That said, I will still LOVE a son if we have one. I mean, I wanted a boy the first time around and love the girl I got, right? We already have names picked out for both, so we're prepared in that aspect at least.
Okay, so that explains the 2 feet clue but what about the 1400?
Well, I don't want to count my bridges before they hatch (burn my chickens before I cross them? anyone?) but I think... just maybe.... ever so possibly... John and I might be BUYING A HOUSE. Crazy, I know. But very true. Things are very unsure right now because of some lazy business handling on the bank's, our realtor's, and our mortgage broker's parts but it's looking like it just may work out.
Now we never thought this was a possibility for us anytime soon. That doesn't mean we didn't look for/at houses for fun all the time. New Year's Eve, John was working and I was sitting here, bumming around the internet. I ran out of things to do so I started looking at houses. In Denton (a place we've always wanted to NOT live), there was a foreclosure listed. A 3 bedroom, 2 bath house on THREE POINT TWO THREE ACRES. For $95,000. Seriously? I thought it couldn't possibly be right. There had to be some sort of catch. No matter, we couldn't buy a house anyway. Well, that didn't stop us from loading in the car the next day and driving out to scope it out. From the outside, it was nothing I wanted in a house. Nothing I dreamed about or pictured or put on my must-have list. And yet, I wanted it. (I'm not even mentioning how amazing the property itself is. Very near to civilization but tucked away in the farmland. Clear, flat land but bordered by mature trees all the way around. Close enough to a main road that someone would call 911 if the house were ablaze but has complete privacy.)
John called the realty company that week to just get some info... you know, just for FUN. Just to kinda get our feet wet in the realty world waters, as practice for when we were actually ready to do it ourselves. The next thing we know, they set up an appointment for us to go view it. We went out that Saturday and walked through with an agent, who talked about the house with us like it was already going to be ours. He gave us some names to check out and we ended up talking to a mortgage broker that week and getting approved with no hassles at all. It all seemed incredibly too easy and fast. But not in a bad way. I wear no rose colored glasses. I am not an easily trusting person. I know when I'm being scammed and often suspect it even when I'm not. This was just like... all the doors being opened because this was our house.
I knew it because when we went inside, when we got more information, it was everything on my deal-breaker list. It has to be completely redone on the inside. It essentially has NO kitchen right now. It's teeny tiny. There's next to ZERO closet space and actually zero pantry space. There's not even a real place to put the washer and dryer. There's no basement. And, worst of all, it has NO CENTRAL AIR. Now I'm sorry, there are people out there who can live without it and that's great for them. But there are a few things about me that feed into this...
1. My allergies are horrendous. In my adult life, I've hardly ever been able to keep the windows open and enjoy the breezy days. If I do, I spend them not able to see or breathe. So once the heat goes off in the spring, there's about a two week window that the house can be open like that. Then the a/c has to go on and I seal that baby up tight. Same for summer into fall.
2. I can't stand to be hot. I mean it. I can't take it. I'm a sweater and have bad OCD sometimes and feeling hot always equals feeling dirty for me and it turns into a crying nightmare.
3. I've never lived without it. That's not my fault. I wasn't some demanding princess who had to have it and everyone catered to my whim. It's just simply been that every house that I've ever lived in has had central air conditioning so I'm just accustomed to it. It's noticeable to me when it's not there so I can't just not think about it and go with the flow.
All of these things make for a veto on my part on paper. However, when I was in it, it just felt like our house. I can't explain it other than that. When I looked around, I could see what it could be. I could picture myself cooking dinner while the kids ran around. I could picture a cozy night on the couch with John after they were in bed. I could picture a new deck and lots of friends and family gathered in the summer. It was just perfect, despite being imperfect in so many way.
So the next thing we knew, we had an offer in. It was all a whirlwind. The bank accepted but since then it's been a long week of phone tag and frustration. We're supposed to get to FINALLY sign the contract this weekend and hopefully things will start picking up steam after that. If it falls through (because, lets face it, that's what we're used to) I guess we'll figure it out from there. We're just praying every day that if this is God's will, that we will have a smooth road ahead of us.
Well now that I've gotten that out of the way and it's coming up on midnight, I guess I should update you on the star of the show (until August!) and get out of here...
Gemma Rae Adams is amazing. That's all I can really say. She blows my mind in new ways every day. At 19mo. now, she's turned into such a little person. The baby is pretty much gone. She's grown taller and thinned out and finally grown a cute little head of (blonde???) hair. She runs and jumps and dances to her own imagination, doing the things that pop into her head, not things that we prompt her to do like when she was little and just learning. She's obsessed with animals--turtles and ducks and dogs and cats and fish and farm animals and elephants and monkeys. She loves Abby from Sesame Street makes me help her put her little fairy wings on and carries her little magic wand around. She likes to brush her hair (or ours), she likes to get into her closet and pick outfits and shoes and try to put them on. The other day she had on frilly pajamas, a winter hat, her fairy wings (of course) and her new rubber rain boots. Oh and the 6 necklaces that Santa brought her. That's what she wanted to wear. She LOVES to read and color. She loves music.
She talks up a storm. November was really the month for her to advance leaps and bounds in terms of her number of words... I started keeping track that month, but by December, she was learning so many new words each week that it became impossible to keep up. She says something new every day. And not in a way that she's learned something new. More like she's always known but only then had the reason to actually use the word. Today? "Cottage cheese." It's always hilarious when she pops out something unexpected. She's started singing her own ABC's. She doesn't get the order they go in yet or all of the letters but if I start singing it or if she's just playing with her magnet letters when I'm making food she'll start singing "A, O, E, B, T..." I had no idea that she was picking up counting either until a couple days ago when she blindsided me. I've tried to get her interested but she'd never repeat it back to me. Then I was swinging her around and she counted "1,2,3!" before I dropped her on the couch. It was nuts. She's picking up manners very well. She still always answers no even if she means yes but now when I correct her ("Gemma, would you like some lunch?" "No, no, no." "You mean yes?") she'll respond "Yes, please." instead of just yes. She knows if there's something that she wants, there's no way she's getting it without a 'please', so she took right to it. We're still struggling a little with 'thank you'. If you ask her to say it, she will, very cutely. It's just that she gets so excited or distracted by whatever she so politely asked for and received that she forgets to do it on her own. (We're also having the problem that "thank you" is coming out sounding a lot more like "f**k off". Hopefully that pronunciation issue will sort it self out soon!)
Hmm. I feel like there's so much more to say but I just can't formulate the words in my head anymore. I'm exhausted and hungry and all blogged out. I just want John to come home and I want to get in my flannel sheets and call it a night. I think that break was what I needed though. I hope this will be the start of more frequent updates. I want to remember this part of my life. It seems like 2011 may be one I'll want chronicled.
Hopefully back soon with more good news!
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