Wow, did I speak too soon. This has been quite a month, especially emotionally.
My last post was the night of August 24th. I went over how we had techincally tried to get pregnant and that I believed I was but that I got my period on the 11th of August. That I thought I had experienced a chemical pregnancy. That I got a +OPK on the 24th and was ovulating. My, how wrong I was.
It was not a chemical pregnancy. It was a very real pregnancy. That day--the 24th--I got a couple +OPKs, and then the same thing happened the day, the 25th. I know my body and, despite having gotten my "period" on the 11th, I still didn't feel right. My head told me I obviously wasn't pregnant, but everything else screamed something was going on. So after getting so many +OPKs and feeling strange, I remembered reading that ovulation tests can come up positive if you're pregnant. So, I took a pregnancy test. It was just like Gemma... That positive line came up instantly and was much, much darker than the test line. I, understandably, freaked out and immediately called my OB's office.
Dr. Rafi was on vacation until late into the next week, so her partner, Dr. Bonsue, squeezed me in the next morning. A physical exam revealed that my cervix was closed, which she said could be a good sign (that the pregnancy was still intact and that the bleeding was unrelated) or a bad one (that I'd passed everything already, even though that didn't make chronological sense). She sent me for blood work. I went for HCG levels three times. The first was 4000, the second was 4200, the third was 4069. Not good. The number should have doubled each time. Dr. Rafi was the one to call me with the results and she said that she assumed that I'd miscarried back on the 11th and that there must've just been some remnants from the pregnancy that I hadn't passed, which were keeping my hormone levels up. She scheduled me for an ultrasound the next morning to see what was left and then wanted to schedule me for a D&C.
We're now at August 31st. I had to go for my ultrasound alone because John couldn't take off from work. I had been a mental wreck (I had yet to be truly emotional about the situation--sometimes I have trouble with that, it was the same when my mom died) for a couple of days but had finally processed the fact that I had been pregnant but that it hadn't worked out for some reason and that our baby was gone. I was prepared to go into the appointment and have them say, "I'm very sorry, but you lost your baby." That was the thing I feared hearing the most, but I came to wish that's what I'd heard. Instead, boom. Right on the screen was an obvious baby. Well, obvious if you know what to look for at 6 weeks and 6 days. There was gestational sac, a yolk sac, and a fetal pole, measuring right on time. That was not what I had mentally prepared myself for. I had let go of any hope. This blew me out of the water. The tech called the doctor in and they both looked from different angles for a while, making all sorts of confusing faces. Then they checked for a heartbeat. Now I'm slightly obsessed with matters of fertility and pregnancy and babies and I know what we should've seen. There was the obvious flickering of a heart, a live, beating heart, but it was slow. Too slow. Painfully slow. 30bpm. Thirty. It should've been flittering away, at a good 90-120bpm. No, it was 30. One beat every two seconds. Seeing that, I think, was the most devastating part of all. To know that our little baby--a little person we already loved even though we thought we'd lost them, a little person who we imagined being another little Gem--was there and was hanging on with all it had in its little 7 week old self.
Of course, the doctor didn't have to tell me for me to know that there was no hope at that point. Things were not going to take a dramatic turn for the better. We were not going to get a take home baby out of this. No, we had to wait. We had to know that there was a little person that we had created living and growing inside of me and we had to wait for them to let go. Dr. Rafi scheduled me for another ultrasound about a week later (September 8th) before we would go ahead with any course of action. When I went in that day, I knew what I would see and hear. Our little fighter had finally had enough and had gone to be with God. There was no more heartbeat at that next appointment. The baby had not grown much. It was over.
The problem then became the fact that, other than the bleeding I'd had a month prior, my body did not seem to want to let this pregnancy go. My hormone levels continued to rise and fall and rise and fall. I had no bleeding, no pain, my uterus didn't get any smaller, and my pregnancy symptoms actually continued. Dr. Rafi scheduled a D&C for the 15th. That day was something I'd foolishly assumed I'd never have to experience. I don't know. I don't mean it in a cocky way, but I never imagined myself ever miscarrying. It's so common these days, and yet I thought it was something that wouldn't touch my life. Especially after having such an amazing pregnancy with Gemma.
Thankfully John managed to take off and was with me the whole time, as much as he was allowed to be, at least. It was my first experience with any sort of real medical procedure, my first experience with anesthesia. On top of everything going on in my head related to the baby, I was incredibly nervous about doing it in general. I remember being wheeled into the operating room and the next thing I knew I was waking up in the recovery room. The terrible part, though, was that I woke myself up by crying. I didn't even realize it was happening, I just woke up in the middle of a sob. Everything that had been held back (voluntarily or not, mostly not) up until that point just let loose. John hadn't been brought back yet, so I was lying alone in a dark, curtained off section of the recovery center, crying. It was the saddest I think I've been in a very long time, if I've ever even been that sad.
Fortunately, all the nurses I had that day were angels from God. I could not have asked for better, more comforting women to have with me. One of them came in to check on me and wiped my tears away with my blanket and told me she'd been there and that I'd be okay. Within the half hour, they got me up and in a chair and wheeled me over to another part of the recovery center, where John was waiting for me. He got to sit with me until I was cleared to be released.
I know it sounds stupid to even say, but I never want to go through that again. Of course not. Who does? I'm now (probably typically) terrified that Gemma was the fluke and this will be the norm. What if Gemma was a one-in-a-billion miracle and we're destined to relive this over and over? It's definitely a possibility with John's history. Before we're cleared to try again, Dr. Rafi wants to send him for a sperm analysis to see if the chemo, indeed, had any sort of effect on the quality of his sperm. She said she wants to do it so we can avoid having to go through this again if there is something wrong. I know her heart's in the right place, but what does that mean, exactly? That if there is something wrong, we just won't try anymore? We're not done having children, not even close. I don't even know what hearing that would do to me. That's what really keeps me going in life--the idea of having more babies. It's all I've ever wanted to do.
Thankfully, she also sent tissue samples from the D&C for chromosomal testing, so if it was just a genetic abnormality (all on its own) we'll know that too. Amazingly, she said that she'll be able to tell us if the baby was a boy or a girl. Most people who lose a pregnancy at 9 weeks don't get the chance to find that out. Small blessings, huh?
So that's our story. It has now been one week and two days since it "ended." It hasn't really, though. I'm still bleeding (despite Dr. Rafi saying I'd bleed for a day and spot for one or two more), pregnancy tests are still positive, we're still waiting to hear about the test results. They won't come back for a month, though. I have my follow up Tuesday afternoon, though I'm hoping to reschedule since it's our anniversary and that would throw the whole night off. Providing the tests come back okay, she tentatively said we could start trying after two normal cycles. That'd put us in the November-January range, if we were to get pregnant right away. That's a... August-October baby. Not what we were hoping for, but we're starting to throw the planning out the window and just live. Whenever we should be blessed with another child would be the right time. God knows better than we do.
There are other things to update on, I suppose. Gem's 15 months now and is growing and developing like crazy. I'll come back soon and fill you in on all that. I think I need to leave this separate, though. I don't want it coloring any other part of my life, especially my happiness in Gemma.
8.24.2010
Dark at 8:30?
So summer is coming to a close. True, officially the season still has about a month to go according to the calendar, but it's getting slightly cooler some days, it's getting darker a little earlier, and all the kids (or I should say my teacher friends) are back in school. I hate this. Fall is my favorite season--my favorite time all-around--and yet I'm dreading this one. Things in our life are so unsettled right now, our attitudes are all wrong, and I do not want to associate it with one of my favorite things.
Suffice it to say, John didn't get either apprenticeship. Understandably, with the current economy, there weren't a lot of jobs to go around and this is a business where it helps to know people. And we don't. The day after he got the letter from the union he really wanted, he walked up to one of their members on his jobsite--a guy he's worked next to for about two years now. With him was a kid a little younger than John who had obviously never set foot on any construction site, let alone a massive government project. That kid was the man's new apprentice. John chatted with the guy for a little bit, asked about his apprentice. He told him how he'd applied and had really hoped for the opportunity. John said the guy sourly shook his head and said John should've gotten it, but the kid "must've had more buddies."
I can't stand it. I swore I wouldn't be bitter and hateful if it didn't happen, that I would trust in the Lord's plan, and that's what I'm trying really hard to do. At least most days, I'm handling the fear for our future pretty well. I get scared and anxious sometimes, but deep down I feel a peace that He will provide. There will be a way that we just don't see yet. The thing that I struggle with is seeing John face rejection time and time again. It tears him up that he can't provide for Gemma and I and each time he gets turned down, I can almost see a little piece of him crumble away. I know he hates himself for it and I hate THAT.
The thing that has us hopeful right now though is that this past Wednesday we went to court and John was GRANTED his PBJ! Something actually worked out right when we needed it most. Had we left that courthouse denied, who knows what would've happened. But we didn't so I'm not going to dwell on it. We went in there and deadbeat after deadbeat went up, all disheveled and unprepared, mumbling to the judge about drug charges and DUIs and back child support and then it was John's turn, dressed in a shirt and tie (not just bought for the occasion, either), standing tall and addressing the judge confidently and respectfully. The judge (who we had all through his case these past two years) went over everything and said he really thought John could benefit from the chance to start fresh and said he was going to grant the request, noting that in all his career there he could count on one hand the number of times he'd wiped someone's record clean. So now we have a fresh start. Praise God and his infinite grace.
So now we're left with quite the clean slate, actually. While John no longer has a criminal record following him around--which should open some doors, hopefully--the future we'd planned on (admittedly before we knew anything, which was our fault) isn't going to happen, so now we could take practically any path.
And right now, in both our hearts, all paths surprisingly lead to Morgantown, WV. We'd talked seriously about moving to WV a couple years ago and then changed things. We're still not totally sure; John does plan to apply to the same unions again this year, as well as many others, so should any of those work out, we'd stay. That said, John's grandma isn't doing too well. We love her and want her to be around a lot longer, but she's 87 and at the very least won't be on the outside of assisted living much longer. There's been talk that we could live in her house when she doesn't live there anymore. Originally, we'd only considered using the opportunity as long as they'd allow (Shari, Billy, and Michael would sell the house and split the money eventually), but now John and I are really warming up to the idea of buying it and making it our own. The ideal situation would be for him to go find a job there soon and start to plant some roots and then Gem and I would move into the house with him once she's gone. Then, hopefully, they'd be open to one of two options:
1. Let us live there rent free (which was what they kind of proposed anyway) for a couple of years while John logs some time in a local job and we save up money. We would, during that time, fix the house up (which we'd want to do anyway) and they'd get more for it when we left and they sold it.
2. Let us live there, paying rent, for a couple of years until John gets the time in a local job, we build up our credit, and save some more money. Then we'd buy it from them, with our previous rent being credited to us against what they wanted for it.
There are a lot of job opportunities in the area right now, much to our surprise, and if we could just get a chance to talk to all three of them and get them to give us a definitive answer, we'd start moving forward. We're too scared for John to apply for jobs there yet if there's a chance it wouldn't happen, though. We wouldn't want to have wasted our time--or even worse, have him accepted a job there and have been working--and then not have a place for Gem and I to go. Renting is not something we want to do, especially in that area, and we would never be approved for a mortgage for a few years.
So. That's where we stand right now. It's frustrating feeling so stagnant. Now that we know about the apprenticeships though, hopefully he can start applying to other avenues this week.
On a better note, before I go, I would like to update you on just how much Gemma has advanced lately! She can now say book, duck, milk, cheese, and dog. She is obsessed with reading and has favorite books. Specifically Balloons, Balloons, Balloons. She will go to her bookshelf everytime and search for it and will find it no matter where I put it. Then she won't be happy until you read it to her. Or go down for a nap or to bed until you read it to her. She's learning to navigate the stairs. She uses a fork and a spoon, a lot of the time at least. The other day I was doing something in the kitchen and she went and opened the cabinet where her snacks are, took out the box of Fruity Cheerios, pulled the bag out of the box, and sat down and started snacking. She likes to play tricks on people and games. She'll play with my hair if I tell her to make me pretty. She gives hugs and kisses on her own now. She helps me clean up her toys when I ask her. Not that well, but she tries. There are probably so many more things I can't think of right now, but that should do for now. We just can't believe how much of a kid she's becoming with each passing day. We're loving every second of it as much as it may terrify us now and then. Of course, it does nothing to help our desperate desire to have another really soon.
We had a close call a few weeks ago. We childishly disregared our vow to wait until we were sure the time was right because in our hearts it was, we just tuned out our heads, and we let our guard down at the appropriate time. I chart and know when I ovulated. I started to feel weird, the same way I felt when I was in the early stages of pregnancy with Gemma. We began to get really excited, albeit terrified of what we'd done. Unfortunately my cycles have been off since returning after giving birth. During the time I was taking Vitex, I ovulated on cd13 and had a beautiful 14 day LP. I thought I was back to normal and when the supplements ran out, I decided money was tight and I'd be okay without it. Then I slowly shifted to ovulating around cd20 and only had an 8 or 9 day LP. Not enough to sustain a pregnancy. That exact thing happened last month. We timed trying perfectly and I started to believe I was (and I really DO believe I was)... I got a faint positive on an HPT on the morning of 9dpo. Later that night, my period came. I believe I had a chemical pregnancy. We were so disappointed. We know if it were meant to be, it would've been though. We just have to learn to accept such things. (Edited to add: I got my period on August 11th and started back on the Vitex with the beginning of this cycle. Today, at cd14, I got a positive OPK. It obviously works for me. Knowing we'd have a better chance this month though is not helping. I'd just as soon not have the temptation.)
For now, with everything, it's a waiting game. We'll see what happens with jobs, with living situations, with babies. Hopefully I'll have some amazing news on one or all fronts within a month or so. We need it. But what we really need is to be still and listen.
Dear Heavenly Father,
We are trusting your infinite wisdom and truly believe you have a plan for us. We will keep striving at the things we feel you are urging us to do and will trust that you will open doors for us when you deem fit. We know that you are constantly aware of the desires of our hearts and will provide for us. We aren't as strong as we should be, however, and selfishly pray that you might show us that we're going to make it one day soon. We pray for patience, which we horribly lack. We pray for guidance and protection. We pray for the right words to say. We pray for our little family, that we might grow stronger in You throughout all these trials and not tear each other down. You are all-knowing and love us more than we could ever comprehend and we thank you and praise you for that. Thank you for what we do have.
In Jesus's sweet and Heavenly name,
AMEN
Suffice it to say, John didn't get either apprenticeship. Understandably, with the current economy, there weren't a lot of jobs to go around and this is a business where it helps to know people. And we don't. The day after he got the letter from the union he really wanted, he walked up to one of their members on his jobsite--a guy he's worked next to for about two years now. With him was a kid a little younger than John who had obviously never set foot on any construction site, let alone a massive government project. That kid was the man's new apprentice. John chatted with the guy for a little bit, asked about his apprentice. He told him how he'd applied and had really hoped for the opportunity. John said the guy sourly shook his head and said John should've gotten it, but the kid "must've had more buddies."
I can't stand it. I swore I wouldn't be bitter and hateful if it didn't happen, that I would trust in the Lord's plan, and that's what I'm trying really hard to do. At least most days, I'm handling the fear for our future pretty well. I get scared and anxious sometimes, but deep down I feel a peace that He will provide. There will be a way that we just don't see yet. The thing that I struggle with is seeing John face rejection time and time again. It tears him up that he can't provide for Gemma and I and each time he gets turned down, I can almost see a little piece of him crumble away. I know he hates himself for it and I hate THAT.
The thing that has us hopeful right now though is that this past Wednesday we went to court and John was GRANTED his PBJ! Something actually worked out right when we needed it most. Had we left that courthouse denied, who knows what would've happened. But we didn't so I'm not going to dwell on it. We went in there and deadbeat after deadbeat went up, all disheveled and unprepared, mumbling to the judge about drug charges and DUIs and back child support and then it was John's turn, dressed in a shirt and tie (not just bought for the occasion, either), standing tall and addressing the judge confidently and respectfully. The judge (who we had all through his case these past two years) went over everything and said he really thought John could benefit from the chance to start fresh and said he was going to grant the request, noting that in all his career there he could count on one hand the number of times he'd wiped someone's record clean. So now we have a fresh start. Praise God and his infinite grace.
So now we're left with quite the clean slate, actually. While John no longer has a criminal record following him around--which should open some doors, hopefully--the future we'd planned on (admittedly before we knew anything, which was our fault) isn't going to happen, so now we could take practically any path.
And right now, in both our hearts, all paths surprisingly lead to Morgantown, WV. We'd talked seriously about moving to WV a couple years ago and then changed things. We're still not totally sure; John does plan to apply to the same unions again this year, as well as many others, so should any of those work out, we'd stay. That said, John's grandma isn't doing too well. We love her and want her to be around a lot longer, but she's 87 and at the very least won't be on the outside of assisted living much longer. There's been talk that we could live in her house when she doesn't live there anymore. Originally, we'd only considered using the opportunity as long as they'd allow (Shari, Billy, and Michael would sell the house and split the money eventually), but now John and I are really warming up to the idea of buying it and making it our own. The ideal situation would be for him to go find a job there soon and start to plant some roots and then Gem and I would move into the house with him once she's gone. Then, hopefully, they'd be open to one of two options:
1. Let us live there rent free (which was what they kind of proposed anyway) for a couple of years while John logs some time in a local job and we save up money. We would, during that time, fix the house up (which we'd want to do anyway) and they'd get more for it when we left and they sold it.
2. Let us live there, paying rent, for a couple of years until John gets the time in a local job, we build up our credit, and save some more money. Then we'd buy it from them, with our previous rent being credited to us against what they wanted for it.
There are a lot of job opportunities in the area right now, much to our surprise, and if we could just get a chance to talk to all three of them and get them to give us a definitive answer, we'd start moving forward. We're too scared for John to apply for jobs there yet if there's a chance it wouldn't happen, though. We wouldn't want to have wasted our time--or even worse, have him accepted a job there and have been working--and then not have a place for Gem and I to go. Renting is not something we want to do, especially in that area, and we would never be approved for a mortgage for a few years.
So. That's where we stand right now. It's frustrating feeling so stagnant. Now that we know about the apprenticeships though, hopefully he can start applying to other avenues this week.
On a better note, before I go, I would like to update you on just how much Gemma has advanced lately! She can now say book, duck, milk, cheese, and dog. She is obsessed with reading and has favorite books. Specifically Balloons, Balloons, Balloons. She will go to her bookshelf everytime and search for it and will find it no matter where I put it. Then she won't be happy until you read it to her. Or go down for a nap or to bed until you read it to her. She's learning to navigate the stairs. She uses a fork and a spoon, a lot of the time at least. The other day I was doing something in the kitchen and she went and opened the cabinet where her snacks are, took out the box of Fruity Cheerios, pulled the bag out of the box, and sat down and started snacking. She likes to play tricks on people and games. She'll play with my hair if I tell her to make me pretty. She gives hugs and kisses on her own now. She helps me clean up her toys when I ask her. Not that well, but she tries. There are probably so many more things I can't think of right now, but that should do for now. We just can't believe how much of a kid she's becoming with each passing day. We're loving every second of it as much as it may terrify us now and then. Of course, it does nothing to help our desperate desire to have another really soon.
We had a close call a few weeks ago. We childishly disregared our vow to wait until we were sure the time was right because in our hearts it was, we just tuned out our heads, and we let our guard down at the appropriate time. I chart and know when I ovulated. I started to feel weird, the same way I felt when I was in the early stages of pregnancy with Gemma. We began to get really excited, albeit terrified of what we'd done. Unfortunately my cycles have been off since returning after giving birth. During the time I was taking Vitex, I ovulated on cd13 and had a beautiful 14 day LP. I thought I was back to normal and when the supplements ran out, I decided money was tight and I'd be okay without it. Then I slowly shifted to ovulating around cd20 and only had an 8 or 9 day LP. Not enough to sustain a pregnancy. That exact thing happened last month. We timed trying perfectly and I started to believe I was (and I really DO believe I was)... I got a faint positive on an HPT on the morning of 9dpo. Later that night, my period came. I believe I had a chemical pregnancy. We were so disappointed. We know if it were meant to be, it would've been though. We just have to learn to accept such things. (Edited to add: I got my period on August 11th and started back on the Vitex with the beginning of this cycle. Today, at cd14, I got a positive OPK. It obviously works for me. Knowing we'd have a better chance this month though is not helping. I'd just as soon not have the temptation.)
For now, with everything, it's a waiting game. We'll see what happens with jobs, with living situations, with babies. Hopefully I'll have some amazing news on one or all fronts within a month or so. We need it. But what we really need is to be still and listen.
Dear Heavenly Father,
We are trusting your infinite wisdom and truly believe you have a plan for us. We will keep striving at the things we feel you are urging us to do and will trust that you will open doors for us when you deem fit. We know that you are constantly aware of the desires of our hearts and will provide for us. We aren't as strong as we should be, however, and selfishly pray that you might show us that we're going to make it one day soon. We pray for patience, which we horribly lack. We pray for guidance and protection. We pray for the right words to say. We pray for our little family, that we might grow stronger in You throughout all these trials and not tear each other down. You are all-knowing and love us more than we could ever comprehend and we thank you and praise you for that. Thank you for what we do have.
In Jesus's sweet and Heavenly name,
AMEN
7.30.2010
On a quiet afternoon...
Gem's napping and I'm sitting here without much to do, so I thought a quick update might be in order. I can't think of much to say right now, but I don't want to just let this fall by the wayside.
Ever since I said Gemma was walking, she's been nothing short of a pro at it. She takes after her Daddy in all things physical. She puts her little mind to something and can do it pretty much on the first shot. She runs around, is already working on jumping, climbs like a monkey, can throw a ball and even kick one really well---even little tiny ones! That should come much later, from what I understand. Maybe she'll play soccer. I'd rather her do that than dance, I think. Unfortunately, while she takes after John in the ability to do the things she wants quite well, she somehow also got my gene for being incredibly accident prone. How one child could possess both traits, I'll never understand. She's constantly covered with bumps and bruises, but it's from her neverending sense of adventure and desire to try new things. She'll fall or tumble or flip but she scrambles right back up and keeps going, laughing all the way.
Gem's still more physically advance than verbally, but she's working hard at it every day. She'll say her little baby words and have such a look of concentration that I know she thinks she's saying something. Or trying. The other morning--it was the first day John and I had the opportunity to sleep in (past 6, at least) in weeks and we just weren't functioning as early as she would've liked us to have been. Anyway, she was rolling around in the bed with us and I set her on the floor and told her to go get a book, hoping that would distract her for a few minutes. (When her bookshelves catch her eye, she'll spend a good 15 minutes pulling them all out and looking at them.) Well, she toddled off into her room (connected to ours, she was safe!) and a minute later she's smacking me with a little Dr. Seuss, saying "Buh, mama! Buh!" I, of course, was so excited that I didn't care about sleeping anymore. She's been telling the dogs "No, no, no!" for a while, but just this morning they were barking and she stopped playing, marched over to the gate, looked at them with a mean face and yelled "Shush!" It was the cutest thing.
She's also doing a lot more imitating/learning. I put my socks on the bed today and as I put one on, she put the other on her foot. She helps me when I dress her... She'll hold one little leg out and then the other. She can drink out of a big kid cup pretty well, but still uses sippies most of the time. She's learned to flush the toilet, which can be kind of annoying.
August starts in two days which means it won't be much longer till we get a yes or no from the two apprenticeships for which John applied. I can't believe the time's finally here and I'm starting to get more and more nervous to hear the answers. We've been working really hard this summer though on acceptance and faith. Before, we would have been severely depressed and angry if neither of them worked out and it most likely would've have a big impact on our marriage. We, of course, hope that he gets offered at least one of them and are very optimistic. That said, though, we know God will take us down whatever path we're supposed to be on, steamfitters or not. If, for some reason, he's denied from both, we'll be sad but we'll keep pushing onward and eventually He'll reveal to us whatever window is out there.
We're also trying to apply that mentality to our next pregnancy, as well. We both desperately want to have another baby, have for a while. We said we'd start trying in August and were really tempted to just go for it this month. We've been trying really hard to discern our own desires from what we feel God is telling us to do, though. When I say we need to wait until we find out if he got the job, John will argue that having a baby would show faith that God will open the door and that we'll be okay. I'll counter that maybe it's a big lesson in teaching me patience, which is a virtue I lack. I don't know. We're praying and listening and, for now, waiting. When we talked about trying back in June, I said that I felt like we were supposed to wait, but not long. A few months maybe. I think we should have the rest of our lives ironed out in the next month or two and then it'll be time. We'll see.
Should we decide to go ahead with another baby while we still live here, we'll be putting some walls up upstairs. Gem and another can definitely share the nursery, it's plenty big enough. Besides, we like the idea of them being close when they're little. We'd want to close the wall off between our rooms, though. Not only for noise control (when the baby would be in with us and up all night), but also simply because the added wall space would come in extremely handy when it's time to put more furniture in there. Then we'd put up a dividing wall in our room and make the living space bigger and close our bedroom part off. We don't want to put a lot of money into this place, but we're trying to last here as long as we can so that when we do go, it'll be with a lot more resources to do what we want without taking on a lot of debt.
Speaking of which, John working this second job has been a Godsend when combined with our new attitudes and outlook on our financial life. We are chipping away at what we do owe people and can see the light at the end of the (very, very long) tunnel! Our credit cards are almost completely paid off and will not be used anymore, except for emergencies. (Though as soon as we get out from under this, we'll be saving up a big emergency fund so that cash will be available in those circumstances in the future.) We only owe his lawyer $250 more and my previous medical bills are down to less than $500! Once we take care of all that, we're going to start putting everything we can into paying off my car and then roll all of that into paying off his student loans. After that, we can officially say we're debt free. We're so excited about life now that we have a plan and motivation. We don't feel the despair or frustration we used to.
Also! We sent in the last ever probation payment a few days ago! John's probation is up in less than a month and on August 18th he has a hearing to wipe his record clean. Talk about a fresh start.
Oh, ha. (Didn't I say I didn't have much to say?) John got his Trooper! After weeks (maybe months) of search ads and having things fall through, he spotted a Craigslist ad minutes after it was posted for a 1991 Isuzu Trooper (pretty much exactly what he'd been looking for) in great shape with low mileage for $700! In Anne Arundel Co. We went to see it the next day and John ended up buying it. It had sat in the guy's yard for like a year because he had a big problem getting the title from the previous owner (in Montana, so no rust!). It turned out that the fuel pump was busted, so he knocked $100 off. It's an easy fix. The interior is perfect, we spent an afternoon having fun cleaning every little nook and cranny and it looks new. Well, except for the fact that it's old. The only other thing it needed is a paint job, which John had planned to do anyway because he had a specific color in mind anyway. He's going to do that soon and get it running and then over time restore everything. I'm happy he's happy and that he has a little project.
Well, I guess I'll stop now. Gem's waking up and I'm sure is starving. It's an hour past lunch. Back soon with good news, hopefully!
Ever since I said Gemma was walking, she's been nothing short of a pro at it. She takes after her Daddy in all things physical. She puts her little mind to something and can do it pretty much on the first shot. She runs around, is already working on jumping, climbs like a monkey, can throw a ball and even kick one really well---even little tiny ones! That should come much later, from what I understand. Maybe she'll play soccer. I'd rather her do that than dance, I think. Unfortunately, while she takes after John in the ability to do the things she wants quite well, she somehow also got my gene for being incredibly accident prone. How one child could possess both traits, I'll never understand. She's constantly covered with bumps and bruises, but it's from her neverending sense of adventure and desire to try new things. She'll fall or tumble or flip but she scrambles right back up and keeps going, laughing all the way.
Gem's still more physically advance than verbally, but she's working hard at it every day. She'll say her little baby words and have such a look of concentration that I know she thinks she's saying something. Or trying. The other morning--it was the first day John and I had the opportunity to sleep in (past 6, at least) in weeks and we just weren't functioning as early as she would've liked us to have been. Anyway, she was rolling around in the bed with us and I set her on the floor and told her to go get a book, hoping that would distract her for a few minutes. (When her bookshelves catch her eye, she'll spend a good 15 minutes pulling them all out and looking at them.) Well, she toddled off into her room (connected to ours, she was safe!) and a minute later she's smacking me with a little Dr. Seuss, saying "Buh, mama! Buh!" I, of course, was so excited that I didn't care about sleeping anymore. She's been telling the dogs "No, no, no!" for a while, but just this morning they were barking and she stopped playing, marched over to the gate, looked at them with a mean face and yelled "Shush!" It was the cutest thing.
She's also doing a lot more imitating/learning. I put my socks on the bed today and as I put one on, she put the other on her foot. She helps me when I dress her... She'll hold one little leg out and then the other. She can drink out of a big kid cup pretty well, but still uses sippies most of the time. She's learned to flush the toilet, which can be kind of annoying.
August starts in two days which means it won't be much longer till we get a yes or no from the two apprenticeships for which John applied. I can't believe the time's finally here and I'm starting to get more and more nervous to hear the answers. We've been working really hard this summer though on acceptance and faith. Before, we would have been severely depressed and angry if neither of them worked out and it most likely would've have a big impact on our marriage. We, of course, hope that he gets offered at least one of them and are very optimistic. That said, though, we know God will take us down whatever path we're supposed to be on, steamfitters or not. If, for some reason, he's denied from both, we'll be sad but we'll keep pushing onward and eventually He'll reveal to us whatever window is out there.
We're also trying to apply that mentality to our next pregnancy, as well. We both desperately want to have another baby, have for a while. We said we'd start trying in August and were really tempted to just go for it this month. We've been trying really hard to discern our own desires from what we feel God is telling us to do, though. When I say we need to wait until we find out if he got the job, John will argue that having a baby would show faith that God will open the door and that we'll be okay. I'll counter that maybe it's a big lesson in teaching me patience, which is a virtue I lack. I don't know. We're praying and listening and, for now, waiting. When we talked about trying back in June, I said that I felt like we were supposed to wait, but not long. A few months maybe. I think we should have the rest of our lives ironed out in the next month or two and then it'll be time. We'll see.
Should we decide to go ahead with another baby while we still live here, we'll be putting some walls up upstairs. Gem and another can definitely share the nursery, it's plenty big enough. Besides, we like the idea of them being close when they're little. We'd want to close the wall off between our rooms, though. Not only for noise control (when the baby would be in with us and up all night), but also simply because the added wall space would come in extremely handy when it's time to put more furniture in there. Then we'd put up a dividing wall in our room and make the living space bigger and close our bedroom part off. We don't want to put a lot of money into this place, but we're trying to last here as long as we can so that when we do go, it'll be with a lot more resources to do what we want without taking on a lot of debt.
Speaking of which, John working this second job has been a Godsend when combined with our new attitudes and outlook on our financial life. We are chipping away at what we do owe people and can see the light at the end of the (very, very long) tunnel! Our credit cards are almost completely paid off and will not be used anymore, except for emergencies. (Though as soon as we get out from under this, we'll be saving up a big emergency fund so that cash will be available in those circumstances in the future.) We only owe his lawyer $250 more and my previous medical bills are down to less than $500! Once we take care of all that, we're going to start putting everything we can into paying off my car and then roll all of that into paying off his student loans. After that, we can officially say we're debt free. We're so excited about life now that we have a plan and motivation. We don't feel the despair or frustration we used to.
Also! We sent in the last ever probation payment a few days ago! John's probation is up in less than a month and on August 18th he has a hearing to wipe his record clean. Talk about a fresh start.
Oh, ha. (Didn't I say I didn't have much to say?) John got his Trooper! After weeks (maybe months) of search ads and having things fall through, he spotted a Craigslist ad minutes after it was posted for a 1991 Isuzu Trooper (pretty much exactly what he'd been looking for) in great shape with low mileage for $700! In Anne Arundel Co. We went to see it the next day and John ended up buying it. It had sat in the guy's yard for like a year because he had a big problem getting the title from the previous owner (in Montana, so no rust!). It turned out that the fuel pump was busted, so he knocked $100 off. It's an easy fix. The interior is perfect, we spent an afternoon having fun cleaning every little nook and cranny and it looks new. Well, except for the fact that it's old. The only other thing it needed is a paint job, which John had planned to do anyway because he had a specific color in mind anyway. He's going to do that soon and get it running and then over time restore everything. I'm happy he's happy and that he has a little project.
Well, I guess I'll stop now. Gem's waking up and I'm sure is starving. It's an hour past lunch. Back soon with good news, hopefully!
6.30.2010
6.28.2010
1 YEAR, 1 week, and 2 days.
ONE YEAR! She's one year old. That boggles my mind, honestly. I feel like there's no way she could be a year old already, but at the same time it feels like it's been decades since we brought her home. This really has been the longest, craziest year of my life.
How'd we go from this...
...to this?
Well, we had a party. A lot (I mean a LOT) of people ended up not coming, but that's to be expected for June. People are going on vacation, people are getting married. It's a busy time. That said, it still ended up being a lot of fun. Gem was happy, so that's all that matters. She was very social and interactive with everyone. I was afraid that she might get a little clingy and scared with so much going on and everyone fawning over her, but she did great.
The best part was when she got her cake. First, she loved having everyone sing to her. She looked around at everyone and smiled and kicked her feet. I could tell she was really enjoying it. Then when we gave her the cake, she would only take bites from it with her mouth. She wouldn't touch it with her hands. And I don't mean face-in-the-cake, big mess bites. I mean little dainty lady-like bites. At one point John smushed her hand in the icing to try and give her the idea, but she just cried and held up her hand to be cleaned off. Why is this story so cute? I was the exact same way at my first birthday party. She may look just like John, but sometimes she's just like me. :)
Also, did I mention she wore the cutest dress ever?
In other news, Gem can walk! She's a beginner walker still, but she's proven she can do it. She doesn't have the confidence or balance control to walk 'around' but she walks from one thing or place to another like it's nothing now. It's seriously the weirdest sight. I'm both excited and terrified of when she finally starts running around everywhere (which I'm sure is not far off).
I had a lot more to talk about, but it's late, it was a long weekend, and I'm exhausted. At least I covered the birthday.
5.27.2010
11 months, 1 week, 1 day.
Look at that big girl. It's really hard for me to believe we're coming up on a year. Gemma is going to be a whole year old. She won't be a baby anymore. She'll officially be a toddler. (Nevermind that she can't exactly toddle yet.) I'm excited and sad at the same time. It went so fast, just like everyone says, but I'm not exactly sad about how fast this year has gone... It just makes me wonder, if this year went by so fast, how fast will the coming ones go? I'm terrified that she's going to be going to be all grown up before we know it. I waited and longed and prayed for these years of my life and now I feel like everything is going to fly by.
I suppose I should focus on the happy. Where should I start? This has been a big month for Gem. She's developed a lot in a short amount of time. Really getting the hang of kissing and hugging was a favorite for John and I. (I mean, how could it not be?) Now when you ask for a kiss (or a "smooch" we found she's come to prefer), she puckers up, leans in, and plants one right on your lips. She also discovered that she can wave, which is truly adorable. She's not walking yet, not even a step or two to talk about, but I can tell she thinks about it. Sometimes she'll be standing, playing by herself, and I'll watch her step further and further away from whatever she's holding on to... She'll get as far as she can go, sometimes she'll only have her fingertips touching it, she'll reach her little foot, but then she gets scared and either goes to the ground or just backs up. She's been really good a cruising for a couple of months, she can stand alone, and she'll walk holding on to our hands. She'll even walk holding onto one hand, but she doesn't really like to. I think the lack of balance frustrates her. I don't think it'll be too much longer, though.
Also, we're working on our first words. I had hoped she might be like John and I were and be one of those kids that talks really early, but no. She has all sorts of jibberish words and talks a lot, but not many real words. She can say Mama and Dada and Nana, but she never really says it to the person it applies to. Just this week, however, she started pointing at things and saying "See? See?" or "This. (Dis.)" On her own, she somehow picked up "oh wow" and "whoa" and I've heard "uh oh" a couple of times. She shakes her head and says "no", but she can only nod for yes. She kinda seems to mouth it, but never puts any voice behind it.
Gem's party is scheduled for her actual birthday this year--we lucked out and it fell on a Saturday. So, on the 19th, we'll all be at a beautiful pavilion in Annapolis right on the Severn River. Who 'we' will be is still up in the air. It's a horrible time of year, of course. Right after school lets out and people go on vacation and right at the height of wedding season. There are already a slew of people we've heard won't be able to come and it really bummed us out at first but we're good now. As long as Gem has fun and the main people that really love her are there, that's all that matters. She won't remember who did or didn't come.
In other news, our car is in the shop. I was on the top of the bridge, in the rain, with Gem crying with a fever in the backseat and my power steering went out. Thank God I got it safely off the bridge, John met me and got it home, and we had it towed to a mechanic. First estimate was an insane $5800. We, of course, do not have that kind of money. After some talking, the guy got it down to $3999 which is still astronomical and we still need Geri to help bail us out temporarily, but anything is better than $6k.
John's still waiting to hear back about the apprenticeship. He had great interviews with both unions and left feeling confident that he'd be offered one, if not both, of the positions. Unfortunately they definitely don't send out the letters until early August (they said for sure in the interview) so now it's a completely miserable waiting game. All our future plans hinge on which way this goes. Either he'll get it and things will start looking up now or he has some other options he could explore, but he doesn't want to rush into something else if this might work out.
I think we've decided that, either way, we'll be trying for another baby in August. Is it possible to have two kids while we still live here? Probably. Is it a great idea? Definitely not. That said, people have had it worse. Having to have this picture perfect life is something new that started with our generation or the one before. All of our grandparents struggled when they were our age, but they still got married and had their babies. Because life doesn't wait. We don't want to be that couple that waits until all our ducks are lined up and we're 35 before we start having kids. The better job will come, the beautiful house will come. And when it does, we will have a beautiful, loving family to put in it. That said, we're not going to keep this up should things not work out the way we're hoping and planning.
We want to have 4 or 5 kids, but 2 is our limit here. Anything more than that would be horribly unfair to them, not to mention pretty much impossible. We thought we wouldn't have any more here after Gem, but then we got to talking. We know we want to have a lot of kids but it may be some time before we can achieve that. What we don't want, however, is for Gemma to be an only child for years and then be a lot older than the rest and be a little mommy. We decided we'll have one more now and make do so that she'll have a sibling close in age. We want her to be close to a sister or brother and actually be able to relate to them later on. Then we'll wait and we'll have more as soon as we can, but in the mean time, Gem will have a buddy. So, that's that. We'd love to start now, but August will have to do. That would make them right around 2 years apart. That way, if it's another girl, we can use what we have already. If it's a boy, so be it. We'll figure it out, we'll buy blue stuff. We just thought, why buy a second round of pink if we can avoid it?
And now, it's time to wake the beast and feed her lunch!
Edited to add: Gem now has six teeth, four up top and two on the bottom. It makes for the best little grin ever. Also, her hair is finally (albeit it ever so slowly) coming in.
4.19.2010
10 months.
10 months!! We're in the double digits.
In other news, Gemma puckered up and gave us our first kisses tonight. Is there anything better?
4.16.2010
9 months, 4 weeks.
Gemma stood all on her own for the first time last night!
That is all.
4.13.2010
9 months, 3 weeks, 4 days.
Just wanted to do a quick fly by and put up the pictures from the zoo. There are only a couple, but that has a lot to do with the fact that she spent all her time in a stroller. I'm sure we'll get better ones as she gets bigger and more interested! She did seem to have a lot fun, though... Half from seeing the animals and half from watching her crazy cousins and new friend, Hunter!
Tradition to take a picture with the lion on the way in.
Lunch break!
In the big bird's nest with the big kids!
We were there for about 3.5 hours and she actually almost made it all the way to the end... She fell asleep at the very last exhibit we visited--the polar bear habitat. I'm really proud of her.
All in all, it was a great day. I'm really looking forward to more adventures with Megan and Emily this summer. She really seems to love them.
We were there for about 3.5 hours and she actually almost made it all the way to the end... She fell asleep at the very last exhibit we visited--the polar bear habitat. I'm really proud of her.
All in all, it was a great day. I'm really looking forward to more adventures with Megan and Emily this summer. She really seems to love them.
4.06.2010
9 months, 2 weeks, 4 days.
Ughhh. I think about updating this constantly but can never seem to motivate myself to... and then the longer it goes, the more I put it off.
Anyway, yes. Gemma is 9 1/2 months old! (As of March 19th, she was 18 lbs 2 oz. and 28 3/4" long.) Absolutely unbelievable. She is so amazing now. Well, I mean she was before too, but she has changed so much since my last update. Looking back, she was on the verge of crawling. She mastered that a short time later and now zooms around with remarkable speed. She gets into everrrything. She is such a nosy little snip. Once she got crawling down, she actually moved on to pulling and cruising. She's been doing that for a month and a half or so and has gotten really good at it. In the past few days, she's shown quite a bit of bravery and has started trying to let go and stand on her own. Scary. We're not ready for a walker yet!
She's still doing great in her own room, thank God. She's pretty regular with her naps now--though they come pretty early (10am-ish)--and she goes down well every night and sleeps until morning. Last time I was here, she was just taking to jarred purees. That's come and gone. Gemma eats big girl food now and even feeds herself most of it. Anything that doesn't need to be spooned, really. (i.e. yogurt, applesauce) She loves yogurt, almond butter and jam sandwiches, peas and carrots, pancakes, bananas, raisins, avocado, green beans, broccoli... lots of things. Tonight she was gobbling up pieces of some veggie lasagna. She does eat meat, though. John and I came to an agreement on the meat issue: She can have chicken, turkey, and fish. No beef or pork. We both had to give a little, but ended up okay in the end.
We're still not too close to talking. I mean, she jabbers and I can tell she thinks she's saying something to me and I can tell she understands what we say, but we haven't gone past "mama" and "dada" and the like. She does know exactly what "no" means... She'll scrunch up her face, shake her head, and say "no, no, no, no, no" if she doesn't like what I'm trying to feed her. If we tell her "no", she'll stop what she's doing and look at us. (Although sometimes she'll just give us an evil little grin, go back to the forbidden thing she was doing, and say "no, no, no" in quite a bratty tone. Snip.)
She got to go to Rolly Pollies for the first time in March for her cousins' birthday party. (Megan turned 4, Emily turned 2.) She was pretty intimidated since it was a free for all with lots of crazy kids, but I could see her having fun in the classes.
Gemma celebrated her first Easter this past weekend. She seemed to enjoy her basket of goodies. And she looked quite fetching in her dress!
What else? We're in birthday planning mode. We've procrastinated with this way too long and now all the places we originally wanted are rented. Who knows where we'll end up, but no matter what, we've got to get cracking.
In other family news... Gus is in Kitty Heaven. He had been deteriorating for a while and finally last Sunday (the week before Easter) we came to the decision that he'd had enough. Tuesday afternoon, Geri and I took him to the vet and let him go. It was heartbreaking, but I know it was for the best. He was enjoying life anymore. We'll miss him a lot.
Also, while we're in the depressing mindset, Matt got in trouble again. This time it's pretty bad. He's on house arrest at Geri's until his court stuff starts up, though we don't know when that'll be yet. He's got the ankle bracelet and everything. It's really sad. Our "father" is out of the country again--I didn't know, we have pretty much moved on from each other--and has washed his hands of it. Poor Geri isn't going to just let him hang in the wind so she's doing what she can. We're going to help him figure this out the best we can.
On a happier note, John interviewed with 602 on the 27th and it went great! Now we're in the awful period of waiting to hear. They make their decisions anytime between April 1st and AUGUST 15th, though we hope that they're interviewing and hiring in batches. It'll be awful if we really have to wait until August to hear. He's waiting to get his interview date for 486. They said they weren't starting to schedule them until April. Hopefully we'll hear soon becaaaause...
We're ready to start trying for another one really soon! We both have the itch big time. We know we're not in the right place to do so right now and it's killing us. If he had a better job and we had our own house, I'd most likely already be pregnant again. I guarantee it. If he finds out he got steamfitters though and we know we're set and on our way, we'd love to start trying again in late August. That'd make #2 and Gemma about 2 years apart. I had originally wanted to space them out differently throughout the year, but at least this way if it's a girl we can use the clothes again. I'd be happy getting pregnant anytime between August and November, putting our due date between May and August of 2011. We can't waaait. Gemma is just too fun and amazing not to do it again. And to see her interact with a sibling! That's a big draw for us. :)
Also, Mollie and Loy did, indeed, start a home church. Anchor--a plant off of a bigger Nashville based ministry--meets at their house on Sunday evenings. It got off to a bit of a rough start because of all the snowstorms, but we're doing great now. We love being there and love how we feel when we leave. (Side note: Little Thurman #2 is on the way! Arriving early October.)
I'm going to end this now because we have a big day planned for tomorrow. Angie invited Gemma and I to go to the zoo with her and Megan and Emily. Gem's first time at the zoo! Pictures soon, of course. (Sooner rather than later!)
EDITED TO ADD: I forgot to say, Gemma has FOUR chompers!
Anyway, yes. Gemma is 9 1/2 months old! (As of March 19th, she was 18 lbs 2 oz. and 28 3/4" long.) Absolutely unbelievable. She is so amazing now. Well, I mean she was before too, but she has changed so much since my last update. Looking back, she was on the verge of crawling. She mastered that a short time later and now zooms around with remarkable speed. She gets into everrrything. She is such a nosy little snip. Once she got crawling down, she actually moved on to pulling and cruising. She's been doing that for a month and a half or so and has gotten really good at it. In the past few days, she's shown quite a bit of bravery and has started trying to let go and stand on her own. Scary. We're not ready for a walker yet!
She's still doing great in her own room, thank God. She's pretty regular with her naps now--though they come pretty early (10am-ish)--and she goes down well every night and sleeps until morning. Last time I was here, she was just taking to jarred purees. That's come and gone. Gemma eats big girl food now and even feeds herself most of it. Anything that doesn't need to be spooned, really. (i.e. yogurt, applesauce) She loves yogurt, almond butter and jam sandwiches, peas and carrots, pancakes, bananas, raisins, avocado, green beans, broccoli... lots of things. Tonight she was gobbling up pieces of some veggie lasagna. She does eat meat, though. John and I came to an agreement on the meat issue: She can have chicken, turkey, and fish. No beef or pork. We both had to give a little, but ended up okay in the end.
We're still not too close to talking. I mean, she jabbers and I can tell she thinks she's saying something to me and I can tell she understands what we say, but we haven't gone past "mama" and "dada" and the like. She does know exactly what "no" means... She'll scrunch up her face, shake her head, and say "no, no, no, no, no" if she doesn't like what I'm trying to feed her. If we tell her "no", she'll stop what she's doing and look at us. (Although sometimes she'll just give us an evil little grin, go back to the forbidden thing she was doing, and say "no, no, no" in quite a bratty tone. Snip.)
She got to go to Rolly Pollies for the first time in March for her cousins' birthday party. (Megan turned 4, Emily turned 2.) She was pretty intimidated since it was a free for all with lots of crazy kids, but I could see her having fun in the classes.
Gemma celebrated her first Easter this past weekend. She seemed to enjoy her basket of goodies. And she looked quite fetching in her dress!
What else? We're in birthday planning mode. We've procrastinated with this way too long and now all the places we originally wanted are rented. Who knows where we'll end up, but no matter what, we've got to get cracking.
In other family news... Gus is in Kitty Heaven. He had been deteriorating for a while and finally last Sunday (the week before Easter) we came to the decision that he'd had enough. Tuesday afternoon, Geri and I took him to the vet and let him go. It was heartbreaking, but I know it was for the best. He was enjoying life anymore. We'll miss him a lot.
Also, while we're in the depressing mindset, Matt got in trouble again. This time it's pretty bad. He's on house arrest at Geri's until his court stuff starts up, though we don't know when that'll be yet. He's got the ankle bracelet and everything. It's really sad. Our "father" is out of the country again--I didn't know, we have pretty much moved on from each other--and has washed his hands of it. Poor Geri isn't going to just let him hang in the wind so she's doing what she can. We're going to help him figure this out the best we can.
On a happier note, John interviewed with 602 on the 27th and it went great! Now we're in the awful period of waiting to hear. They make their decisions anytime between April 1st and AUGUST 15th, though we hope that they're interviewing and hiring in batches. It'll be awful if we really have to wait until August to hear. He's waiting to get his interview date for 486. They said they weren't starting to schedule them until April. Hopefully we'll hear soon becaaaause...
We're ready to start trying for another one really soon! We both have the itch big time. We know we're not in the right place to do so right now and it's killing us. If he had a better job and we had our own house, I'd most likely already be pregnant again. I guarantee it. If he finds out he got steamfitters though and we know we're set and on our way, we'd love to start trying again in late August. That'd make #2 and Gemma about 2 years apart. I had originally wanted to space them out differently throughout the year, but at least this way if it's a girl we can use the clothes again. I'd be happy getting pregnant anytime between August and November, putting our due date between May and August of 2011. We can't waaait. Gemma is just too fun and amazing not to do it again. And to see her interact with a sibling! That's a big draw for us. :)
Also, Mollie and Loy did, indeed, start a home church. Anchor--a plant off of a bigger Nashville based ministry--meets at their house on Sunday evenings. It got off to a bit of a rough start because of all the snowstorms, but we're doing great now. We love being there and love how we feel when we leave. (Side note: Little Thurman #2 is on the way! Arriving early October.)
I'm going to end this now because we have a big day planned for tomorrow. Angie invited Gemma and I to go to the zoo with her and Megan and Emily. Gem's first time at the zoo! Pictures soon, of course. (Sooner rather than later!)
EDITED TO ADD: I forgot to say, Gemma has FOUR chompers!
1.28.2010
7 months, 1 week, 2 days.
I'm back! Gem is doing great. I really have a hard time believing she's over 7 months old already. Before we know it it'll be time to throw her a birthday party. It's going way too fast, if I'm being totally honest. It makes me sad sometimes. I love seeing this amazing kid that she's growing into and get so excited each time she hits a milestone... I just feel like I waited so long to have a baby, finally got one, and now she's gone! That said, I know there will be more and it is super cool watching Gemma become a Big Girl. (That's a title, you know.) There'll be no having me after the last one is born, though. I already know I'm always gonna have the fever a little.
So, the holidays. All in all, I'd say they were great. Horribly, I can barely remember half of Christmas, let alone earlier this week, but it was fun. We were supposed to get her Christmas pictures taken the weekend before (the 20th) but there was a ridiculous snowstorm here and we couldn't make it. So we had to rebook for Christmas Eve morning. At the mall. Yeahhh. That was fun. The session was okay. I wasn't all that impressed (ahem--happy) with the safety or cleanliness of the studio and we ended up with a baby breakdown or two, but the pictures actually came out great. I guess that's not so hard when you're working with such a flippin' cute kid, though! After that, we jetted around and got the last of our shopping done, came home for fish feast, and then it was off to Christmas Eve service at church.
I'm so glad we went. We hadn't (still haven't) been to church for a while and missed it a lot. When we first started going to Riva Trace, Gem was teeny. We just took her carrier into the service with us and she'd usually sleep right through. Then she got bigger. And louder. And crankier. Yes, they have a supposedly great nursery but between Gemma not taking bottles and the flu season being in full gear, I just wasn't comfortable leaving her. So we stopped going. Christmas Eve was just what we needed, though. We had been fighting (the stress of the holidays, I'm sure) and we knew Christmas was going to be pretty crappy due to our financial situation, but when we left I felt so uplifted and happy. That's what it's about, right?
We woke up super early Christmas morning so we could have some private family time before the hub bub started downstairs. Gemma got to open her first gifts, which was really fun to see. She tore at the paper a little, but I ended up helping her with most of it. In hindsight, I don't know why I chose to wrap all of her gifts and not just one or two. Once it was all out, she played with everything. She's really into toys now. Toys, things, whatever. I just mean it's not just holding something or banging something anymore. She examines whatever she has, turns it over in her hands, figures out what to do with it... It's so amazing to watch her process things in her mind. It blows me away every time.
Anyway, Christmas... Did the second Christmas morning downstairs, all got showered and dressed for the day, and then Billy and Sigrid came her for dinner. Had fun with them. Went to Geri's for a little time with my family. It was a nice day, all around.
New Year's! We got invited to a potluck at Mollie and Loy's for New Year's Eve. That was pretty fun. Of course there was the period of awkwardness in the beginning. In my absence the past few years, the faces have changed a little. I guess that's what happens, though. Some people move along with their lives (that's where I disappeared to, after all) and fall away, even if only temporarily, and new people come along. I did see some familiar faces I hadn't seen in a while and we met a few really cool new people as well.
There was a couple there, Neal and Camille, with their 19 month old son, Brendan, who were really nice. Apparently Neal is a pastor and we found out that he and Loyal are going to be heading up a church out of Mollie and Loy's house Sunday nights. John and I are SO excited about that. It starts this Sunday, the 31st, actually. (If we don't get snowed in again.)
So that about covers that. Since then, it's been the typical slow crawl towards spring. I'm extra excited for the warmer weather this year. Not only have I been more cooped up than ever before with not working and all, by the time spring and summer finally do get here Gemma is going to be big enough to do fun stuff! I can't wait to take the little monster to the park and push her on the swings and slide down the slide with her, going on long walks on the trail, introduce her to nature, take her to the beach for the first time! It's going to be such a blast. Like I said before, June will be here so fast and it'll be time to say goodbye to our baby and hello to our Big Girl.
Speaking of Big Girls... Gemma is developing like crazy right now. She's had sitting up mastered for quite some time now, but we're pretty sure she's going to start crawling any day now. Actually, this morning she got up on all fours and went forward one move, but that's it. Hasn't felt like trying anymore today yet. She's also showing a lot of interest in pulling up to stand, she just lacks either the coordination or the upper body strength to make it happen yet. She grabs on to things and tries, but she never quite gets up. She's chattering up a storm--mama's, dada's, nana's, baba's, you stick a consonant to an a and she can do it, heh. That's as far as she's gotten, though. She loves to squeal. She's started to watch what we do and mimic it. She and John were taking turns splashing in the tub a few nights ago. That was pretty adorable.
Oh, and how did I forget?! We have a tooth! Or, well... the start of a tooth, at least. The edge of the bottom left tooth has completely broken through. All that's left to do now is to wait for the rest of him and is buddy next door. Also, right after going to her 6 month check up (Oh, that's right. She was... I wanna say around 27", 15lbs 10oz, and health as a horse on January 4th.) and telling Jane how worried I was that she showed no interest whatsoever in eating solid food, she came home and took to it like champ that week. She still nurses a lot (thank God, I have no desire to give that up anytime soon) but she eats three meals a day now with no fighting. It's so cute to watch.
Last but not least, Gemma has finally graduated to her own room. About time, I know. I finally gave up on waiting for Billy and the armoire--which still has yet to be finished, almost a year after he said he'd do it--and just fixed things up the best that I could in there. And I wish I had done it sooner. Our terrible, rotten baby, the one who refused to nap and didn't sleep as well as she should've, immediately changed into a perfect sleeper, good napper, and all around much happier girl. In fact, she's napping right now.
In family news... Hmm. It's been a time of change lately. Or thoughts of change, at least. John has put applications in to two steamfitter unions. He already took the test for one of them (we're anxiously waiting on the results) and has a test date in February for the other. We're very hopeful and optimistic about this opportunity and if it works out it could finally change everything. Also, I've had quite the itch lately to go back to school. I'd love to finish my nursing degree. I sometimes struggle with the idea of it for a few reasons... First, John's out there breaking his back at a job he hates so that I can stay home with our daughter and if I go to school I feel like I would technically not be staying home, but not doing anything to help bring in any money. I know it's a good step towards helping and smart and all those things, but I can't help but feel slightly guilty. Second, I want to finish school. I want to have the ability to help if I need to. BUT I'm not necessarily sure I'd up and get a job right after. I do want to stay home with my kids and Gemma's not the last. She's the first of either three or four. By the time I finish the nursing program, I'd be ready to have the next one and I'm not just going to leave then. So, yeah. I'm still wrestling with all this stuff and trying to figure out the best course of action to take. I missed the deadline for spring semester anyway because of some scheduling stuff so I have a little time to think about it. If I did go back, I'd start this summer.
Well, I guess that about wraps it up for now. The girl will probably be waking up sometime soon anyway. Till next time.
So, the holidays. All in all, I'd say they were great. Horribly, I can barely remember half of Christmas, let alone earlier this week, but it was fun. We were supposed to get her Christmas pictures taken the weekend before (the 20th) but there was a ridiculous snowstorm here and we couldn't make it. So we had to rebook for Christmas Eve morning. At the mall. Yeahhh. That was fun. The session was okay. I wasn't all that impressed (ahem--happy) with the safety or cleanliness of the studio and we ended up with a baby breakdown or two, but the pictures actually came out great. I guess that's not so hard when you're working with such a flippin' cute kid, though! After that, we jetted around and got the last of our shopping done, came home for fish feast, and then it was off to Christmas Eve service at church.
I'm so glad we went. We hadn't (still haven't) been to church for a while and missed it a lot. When we first started going to Riva Trace, Gem was teeny. We just took her carrier into the service with us and she'd usually sleep right through. Then she got bigger. And louder. And crankier. Yes, they have a supposedly great nursery but between Gemma not taking bottles and the flu season being in full gear, I just wasn't comfortable leaving her. So we stopped going. Christmas Eve was just what we needed, though. We had been fighting (the stress of the holidays, I'm sure) and we knew Christmas was going to be pretty crappy due to our financial situation, but when we left I felt so uplifted and happy. That's what it's about, right?
We woke up super early Christmas morning so we could have some private family time before the hub bub started downstairs. Gemma got to open her first gifts, which was really fun to see. She tore at the paper a little, but I ended up helping her with most of it. In hindsight, I don't know why I chose to wrap all of her gifts and not just one or two. Once it was all out, she played with everything. She's really into toys now. Toys, things, whatever. I just mean it's not just holding something or banging something anymore. She examines whatever she has, turns it over in her hands, figures out what to do with it... It's so amazing to watch her process things in her mind. It blows me away every time.
Anyway, Christmas... Did the second Christmas morning downstairs, all got showered and dressed for the day, and then Billy and Sigrid came her for dinner. Had fun with them. Went to Geri's for a little time with my family. It was a nice day, all around.
New Year's! We got invited to a potluck at Mollie and Loy's for New Year's Eve. That was pretty fun. Of course there was the period of awkwardness in the beginning. In my absence the past few years, the faces have changed a little. I guess that's what happens, though. Some people move along with their lives (that's where I disappeared to, after all) and fall away, even if only temporarily, and new people come along. I did see some familiar faces I hadn't seen in a while and we met a few really cool new people as well.
There was a couple there, Neal and Camille, with their 19 month old son, Brendan, who were really nice. Apparently Neal is a pastor and we found out that he and Loyal are going to be heading up a church out of Mollie and Loy's house Sunday nights. John and I are SO excited about that. It starts this Sunday, the 31st, actually. (If we don't get snowed in again.)
So that about covers that. Since then, it's been the typical slow crawl towards spring. I'm extra excited for the warmer weather this year. Not only have I been more cooped up than ever before with not working and all, by the time spring and summer finally do get here Gemma is going to be big enough to do fun stuff! I can't wait to take the little monster to the park and push her on the swings and slide down the slide with her, going on long walks on the trail, introduce her to nature, take her to the beach for the first time! It's going to be such a blast. Like I said before, June will be here so fast and it'll be time to say goodbye to our baby and hello to our Big Girl.
Speaking of Big Girls... Gemma is developing like crazy right now. She's had sitting up mastered for quite some time now, but we're pretty sure she's going to start crawling any day now. Actually, this morning she got up on all fours and went forward one move, but that's it. Hasn't felt like trying anymore today yet. She's also showing a lot of interest in pulling up to stand, she just lacks either the coordination or the upper body strength to make it happen yet. She grabs on to things and tries, but she never quite gets up. She's chattering up a storm--mama's, dada's, nana's, baba's, you stick a consonant to an a and she can do it, heh. That's as far as she's gotten, though. She loves to squeal. She's started to watch what we do and mimic it. She and John were taking turns splashing in the tub a few nights ago. That was pretty adorable.
Oh, and how did I forget?! We have a tooth! Or, well... the start of a tooth, at least. The edge of the bottom left tooth has completely broken through. All that's left to do now is to wait for the rest of him and is buddy next door. Also, right after going to her 6 month check up (Oh, that's right. She was... I wanna say around 27", 15lbs 10oz, and health as a horse on January 4th.) and telling Jane how worried I was that she showed no interest whatsoever in eating solid food, she came home and took to it like champ that week. She still nurses a lot (thank God, I have no desire to give that up anytime soon) but she eats three meals a day now with no fighting. It's so cute to watch.
Last but not least, Gemma has finally graduated to her own room. About time, I know. I finally gave up on waiting for Billy and the armoire--which still has yet to be finished, almost a year after he said he'd do it--and just fixed things up the best that I could in there. And I wish I had done it sooner. Our terrible, rotten baby, the one who refused to nap and didn't sleep as well as she should've, immediately changed into a perfect sleeper, good napper, and all around much happier girl. In fact, she's napping right now.
In family news... Hmm. It's been a time of change lately. Or thoughts of change, at least. John has put applications in to two steamfitter unions. He already took the test for one of them (we're anxiously waiting on the results) and has a test date in February for the other. We're very hopeful and optimistic about this opportunity and if it works out it could finally change everything. Also, I've had quite the itch lately to go back to school. I'd love to finish my nursing degree. I sometimes struggle with the idea of it for a few reasons... First, John's out there breaking his back at a job he hates so that I can stay home with our daughter and if I go to school I feel like I would technically not be staying home, but not doing anything to help bring in any money. I know it's a good step towards helping and smart and all those things, but I can't help but feel slightly guilty. Second, I want to finish school. I want to have the ability to help if I need to. BUT I'm not necessarily sure I'd up and get a job right after. I do want to stay home with my kids and Gemma's not the last. She's the first of either three or four. By the time I finish the nursing program, I'd be ready to have the next one and I'm not just going to leave then. So, yeah. I'm still wrestling with all this stuff and trying to figure out the best course of action to take. I missed the deadline for spring semester anyway because of some scheduling stuff so I have a little time to think about it. If I did go back, I'd start this summer.
Well, I guess that about wraps it up for now. The girl will probably be waking up sometime soon anyway. Till next time.
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